i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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