Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
