I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
