how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love having hate sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
