i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
