No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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