I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
