New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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