but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
