my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
