we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
