Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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