I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We have started to decorate penises.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
