the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
