That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
