Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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