so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
