I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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