Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
