What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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