You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
