you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's Friday. Sex?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
