i used baking grease as lip gloss
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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