So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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