well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
