He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
