he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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