i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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