doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Alive.
So much puke
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
