You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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