i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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