We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
