I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
