Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
