Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
