i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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