I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
