kristin has been a bad kristin
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
