So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
