This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
