btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
