if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
