worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
