Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
