Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
