I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
