So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
