I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
