i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
