did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
